PheD up

Pretty much what it looks like. New movies, movies that are new to me...I'll leave it at the top and will update it as appropriate. FYI - My 5* movie rating system has 6 levels:

5 *s = WOW!
4 *s = Good
3 *s =Decent, or at least not bad enough to get 2 *s
2 *s =Bad, but not awful, or enjoyable despite its awfulness
1 * = The best part was the end, because then it was over
no *s = deep, pain-filled sigh...I will never get that [insert running time here] of my life back.

JANUARY

Cloverfield**1/2 (Free)
reviewed earlier

Atonement****
Very good movie. Well written, though I have not read the novel yet, so cannot compare the adaptation to it. Well acted - James McAvoy and Kiera Knightley were both great, Saoirse Ronan was, in my opinion, phenomenal. The movie is also gorgeous to look at (both the film and its actors). Not an easy one - I might have been sobbing at the end, but I admit nothing.

27 Dresses*** (free)
Now, I didn't have high hopes for this, but It was free, so... Surprisingly enough, I really liked it. (ok, maybe not so surprisingly - I might have a weakness for the rom-com genre). Well, most of it. It was almost physically painful at the end, when the clichés went into hyperdrive. (That running leap? Are you kidding me?) I'd give it 3 stars for the first 3/4, 2 for the last few minutes.

For mostly pulling it off, and doing so with charm and aplomb, Katherine Heigl gets 4 stars. Also 4 stars for to James Marsden for being so damned cute! As I mentioned above, he hasn't always done it for me. I really only knew him from X-Men, where he's both bland and standing next to Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, which makes for tough odds. But, add little scruff (think Cyclops in mourning) or - even better - some snark, and it becomes clear that he's actually quite sexy. I saw an interview with him recently, and now think that he's positively adorable when allowed to show some personality. Ooh, or sing. 5 stars for JM singing again, especially in adorkable drunk form.

Best line/delivery goes to Katherine Heigl as Jane:
Kevin - "What about you - you don't have any needs?"
Jane - "No, I don't. I'm Jesus."

February

Hairspray (2007)***
It was cute (in a good way), maybe a little too much so for me. I haven't seen the '88 original, but I suspect that this version has been declawed.

Jumper**1/2 (free)
Pretty much what I expected - mediocre but entertaining. My friend V. really hated Rachel Bilson, but I thought she was just normal-grade annoying. I was bothered more by Hayden Christensen, not because he was doing anything wrong, but just because I think his face is really inexpressive, which is maybe not good for an actor. And I might still holding Star Wars against him. Anyway, all that said, it was fun, albeit in an empty and surprisingly bland way. Ann Hornaday, of the Washington Post, said it best: Christensen is "tepid," Bilson is "vapid," and, "strange as it sounds, this is a movie that fails not for lack of substance, but for lack of style."

And don't bother teleporting - those plot holes are plenty big enough to walk through.

March

Penelope**3/4
It wasn't bad - it just wasn't very good. It's insubstantial, but that's not really a problem for me in a movie like this. There was something flat about it that I couldn't quite put my finger on, like it wasn't quite enough of what it needed to be.

Christina Ricci mostly does a good wide-eyed not-completely-innocent (her lack of naiveté is one of the better parts of the movie); James McAvoy is mostly charming enough, though I expected better from someone who managed to shine while wearing prosthetic faun legs. Catherine O'Hara is just not funny enough, which I suspect has more to do with the writing than with her. Not surprisingly, Peter Dinklage turns in the best performance, but he's not on screen enough to make it a better movie.

All in all, I'd say the best part was Penelope's scarf, to which I give 5 stars.

May

Iron Man****1/2
So, I didn't have super high expectations of this one. I had no prior attachment to Iron Man, but saw the trailer a while back and, for the first time in a long time, thought, "Holy shit, I am so going to see that." You know what? It fucking rocked. The plot is largely superfluous, but that doesn't automatically make an action movie (especially one based on a comic book) bad for me. There are some "big ideas" at the core of this movie - war, accountability, friendship, and a huge conversion - all of which provide just a touch of substance, and the main cast brings enough life to their characters (without them, for the most part, being "drawn") to make it work. Robert Downey, Jr. carries it - Stark is a brilliant, arrogant, alcoholic slut, and you get that. When the tin man gets a heart (not to mention a conscience), you get that too. Most of his key relationships (with Rhodes, Potts, and his robot assistant - the latter being a great bit of characterization) feel right, largely thanks to a few very well done scenes. RDJ and Terence Howard both get to subtly act their butts off a couple of times, and Gwyneth Paltrow does well. As I write this, in fact, I wonder if she may actually have been more impressive than I was initially able to see: Pepper Potts is not one of the better handled characters, yet she did not make me want to pitch things at the screen, and I mostly bought her scenes with RDJ. Obadiah Stane is really the loss here - his character just isn't given enough, though Jeff Bridges is great with what he's given, and absolutely nails a fabulous "magnificent bastard" moment. One-dimensional villainy all around is the weak point of the movie, in my opinion. I can excuse it, but the fact that some things are so well done makes it stand out more than it might in another movie of this kind. That said, there are cool visuals, decent one-liners, great snark (mostly by Stark), and things will definitely go "BOOM!" This is good, popcorn movie fun with a heart, pulled off by talented folks who make it look easy.

And it certainly doesn't hurt that both RDJ and TH are quite nice to look upon.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian***
Forgettable fun, neither as visually nor emotionally compelling as it might have been. Except for Ben Barnes, who is quite compelling visually.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull***
Not groundbreaking, but that's not really what I went for. It was fun, Harrison Ford is still too cool to be true, and Shia LaBoeuf gets more and more interesting. Worthwhile might be stretching it, but it was a good popcorn movie, which is what these have always been about.

JUNE

The Incredible Hulk***
Enjoyable enough, but still unsatisfying. There were some great moments (how can you not love the Hulk rolling his eyes at the Abomination?), I liked the nods to the series (shout out to "The Lonely Man!"), and I cheered with everyone else when Hulk smashed. But it was mostly empty fun, which is harder to settle for so soon after Iron Man. It's one thing not to suck the action out of the Hulk with plodding backstory; it's another to ignore the lessons of recent comic book movie success stories. This was a missed opportunity: Bruce Banner is a great chance for some emotional depth to go with your destruction of property, and Norton certainly could have done more with more substantial material (as could Roth). Even Liv Tyler...who am I kidding? If she'd half-whispered "Bruce?" with her mouth hanging open one more time, I was going to have my own Hulk-out.

Not incredible, but a decent diversion.

Fight Club a qualified****
This has been on my list for years, and I finally got around to watching it a couple of days ago. It was, for the most part, as good as I'd heard. Norton, Pitt, and Bonham Carter all brought the crazy in a good way. The big twist was ruined for me years ago (and I wondered whether it would have been tipped fairly early on if I hadn't already known), but that didn't detract much. And, as someone I watched with said, "Anyone who watches it for the fights is missing the point." It is, by turns, thoughtful (and dead on) about the vapid spinelessness of consumer-driven culture, and completely full of it - I won't even get into the objections about the treatment (both in the movie and as a component of it) of the one "real" female character in a movie all about wounded masculinity, except to say that, if there's a m.anthrax manifesto, Tyler Durden's name comes up a couple of times in it.

I don't ever need to see it again - there's really only so much I can enjoy watching people's faces get bashed in - but I am glad I finally saw it. That said, I want to officially object to the end. The first 3/4 - maybe 4/5 of the movie get 4 stars. The end gets 2.

Wanted***
Meh. On the minus side: I'm tired of computer effects standing in for story, and the slo-mo splattering of brains does not enthrall me the way it seems to enthrall whoever this (and many movies these days) was made for.

That said, James McAvoy looking uncharacteristically manly while wreaking havoc did, in fact, enthrall me. Which brings us to the plus side, where James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie are both hot, some of the shoot-outs look pretty cool, and I got a perverse pleasure out of hearing Morgan Freeman say "shoot this mutherf*cker."

A decent enough diversion - maybe better for you if you're a bigger fan of the squishy special effects than I am.

Yesterday, I went to a show. I'd seen it before and liked it enough to bring others to see it. First time around, I did the stage door thing. Now, some people have the weird urge to get autographs, some people don't - I happen to be one of the former. I fully acknowledge the weirdness, but feel like there are really worse things (and it's rare enough that I have a chance to indulge that particular bit of crazy).

So, the first time around, I went to the stage door, said "Hello, I loved your show," got autographs, and solidified a crush on one of the actors (I indulge that particular bit of The Crazy fairly often, but again, feel like there are worse things). This second time, though, I was all nervous - I always get nervous in these situations, but yesterday, I was all nervous for different reasons. Would they remember me? Would they think I was some weird groupie? Did my hair look ok? One of the actors (not the crush) was looking at our group, and I was pretty sure he did remember me, so, of course, I got all flustered and ran away. No big deal, I thought, because really, what would have happened if I'd gotten those autographs?

So, my friends and I went for a drink (which turned into dinner, dessert, and a couple of VERY tasty mojitos). But, something about my chickening out kept nagging at me. I couldn't help but wonder: what *would* have happened if I'd gotten those autographs? And, wouldn't it have been better to find out than to wonder?

I decided that I would go back, see if I could catch them on the way out of the evening performance, get the autographs, and satisfy myself that I am not, in fact, a completely worthless chicken. I dashed off to the BART, and figured I'd be home well before midnight. The night went SO not as I'd planned.

Does the fact that I really wasn't looking for anything more than a few signatures make me sound less like a groupie?

Can you tell I'm cleaning off my desktop today? Keep finding little pieces of paper that I obviously meant to do something with. Many of them are notes I've written to myself - for the blog, for the day's activities, for some undetermined date in the future when it comes in handy to know that person's name, and what they wrote... On many of those pieces of paper, there are quotes. Some are funny, some are serious, some I'm not sure why I was interested in. The best ones, I keep because they make me think, or because they express something that I've never been able to say so perfectly. As a sometimes writer, I use them (for my "parting shots," but also in dissertations, etc), so that's another reason for me to have them around, but, they don't really need to be scattered around my room, adding to the general chaos. So, here are some random ones, mostly so I can throw away these pieces of paper, but also because they were the ones that recently made me laugh, or think, or wish I'd said it.

Freedom without responsibility is chaos.
--Rod Steiger, Esquire magazine

I find C major to be the key of strength, but also of regret. E major is the key of confidence. A-flat major is the key of renunciation.
--Bob Dylan, quoted in Esquire magazine

Don't ask me why I was reading Esquire magazine, because I cannot, for the life of me remember. I'm sure there was someone hot involved, but I have no idea who. And now, what I have from that impulse purchase are these two quotes. The Steiger made me think, because it's part of what my work is about (ethics, responsibility and the need to take it, the choas that happens when we don't). The Dylan got me ruminating on how much I love music, on the way that someone else's artistry can express what's inside of you by expressing what's inside of them, how weird (and pretentious), but absolutely truthful, it sounds to say that a key of music could be suggestive of an aspect of the human condition, and also what the connections might be between strength and regret in an ethical context (specifically the ethical context of one of the stories I wrote about in my dissertation). And also why renunciation is such a great word. No, really - say it out loud. "Renunciation" is a much better word than "renounce."

The moment when something major is accomplished, we are so relieved to finally be done with it that we are already rushing, at least mentally, into The Future. Wisdom, however, requests a pause. If we cannot give ourselves a pause, the Universe will likely give it to us. In the form of an illness, a massive Mercury in retrograde, our car breaking down. and we find ourselves required to stop, to sit down, to reflect."
--Alice Walker, from We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For, quoted in Glamour magazine

I have no idea why I had purchased Glamour magazine, which rarely makes its way into my house. But I liked this quote a lot, and decided to hang onto it. And now it's feeling very true. I think The Universe has given me a pause these last few weeks. I wish it had been a gentler one, but maybe The Universe knows that some of us only learn the hard way.

And, on a sort of lighter note, a couple of parting shots that I think I never remembered to post:

Worst of all was the sinking feeling that I was watching the future and would have to spend the rest of my life conscientiously objecting to the universe.
--Whitney Pastorek, Entertainment Weekly, sort of talking about watching the MTV Video Music Awards, but mostly talking about getting older

I wrote the screenplay at a Starbucks - inside a Target, which is, like, you know, two layers of corporate filth. Yeah, I was surrounded by suburban misery and I thought, "I gotta get the hell outta here. I better finish this."
--Diablo Cody on Letterman, talking about the creative process for Juno

The first one made me laugh in that, "Yeah, I was just thinking that, but not so amusingly" sort of way. The second just made me laugh. And I know exactly why I was reading Entertainment Weekly - it's the only magazine I subscribe to. Come on, are you really surprised? I'm quickly becoming a big fan DC's column, which runs every few weeks at the back of the mag. Not surprisingly, these took me from my serious thinking headspace to my wishful thinking one. In my next life, I'm going to be the pithy person writing for an entertainment magazine, or some fabulously snarky website. I'm going to have some cool day job (don't know what, but know that it won't require years upon years of graduate study) and, somewhere on the internets, someone will be quoting me, wishing they'd said it. 

Elisamaza here, for jackass magazine (thanks to AJ for that one), bringing you another update on nothing in particular.

May 16th
I have been having a Monday all week long. Procrastination + migraine + nerve pain + random dental drama + totally heinous puking at 3am (which could have been migraine, pain killer, or sangria related – maybe it's the combo, now that I think of it) = craptasm. Oh, and I suck, and I don't know what I'm going to do that big huge problem coming up in just about a week. All kinds of awesome.

5/22
Longest red light EVER? E. Hillsdale off 101. Trust me.

parting shots
AY - Israeli's are hot
AP - They are, but they are just all up in your fucking' business!

AP - I looked at their respective beards, and I realized - LY is trying SO hard to look like an old chinese man, and KF is trying SO hard to look like an old native American man...

guy 1: I thought Shia was pretty good, too.
guy 2: Yeah…I hated his hair, though.
--overheard in SF, 5/23

April 1st
OK, I might love Google. Custom time = awesome

And I definitely love AOL:
Sex and drama. Lots of sex and drama. Sexy sex and sexy drama. We're just finishing up episode 14, which leads to 15 and 16.
--AOL, asked by an interviewer what to expect when moonlight returns

Note: there were many snarky thoughts to be posted about Moonlight, which seems less worth doing now that it's been cancelled. Too bad. There was an upswing, and even a few flashes of awesome. *sigh* Whatever will I be addicted to now?

April 3rd
Call me crazy, buy it makes me nervous when I get onto a shuttle and it smells like urine. That goes for just about any place, really. Even the average bathroom, where people go (theoretically speaking) to urinate, shouldn't really smell like urine.

April 4th
Would it *really* have killed you to let the woman w/the stroller have the corner seat? It's not like there wasn't a seat RIGHT NEXT TO IT. Come on, people.

Of course, that's better than the 4 people on the Bart, none of whom could be bothered to give up the disability seat they were sitting in. For a blind person.

April 7th
Maybe, if you want to avoid music that might disrupt your tutoring, you should do your tutoring somewhere besides a coffee shop? And maybe if you are, infact, tutoring in a coffee shop, you could make an effort to keep your voice down, so that *you're* not disrupting people. Just a suggestion. Because I don't need to know how hard these calculators can be to use, and I certainly don't need to hear about all this sine/cosine madness. Thanks.

That said, this music does suck. It's the people from Juno, I think.

April 12th, 8pm ish
On the way out:
Friendly, fearless kid's make me happy and nervous at the same time. There's something refreshing about a kid who'll just talk to you, but you worry who else they're talking to. And why they don't say excuse me or hello, but that's more troublesome when they're being rude. And part of me now always worries they're up to mischief. Which is a little sad.

April 13th, 1am ish
On the way in:
So, I booked it to Bart, missed my train, but lucked out - there's another one at 111. Oh, except that it's 1/2 hr. late. Did they *really* not know that until just now. If I weren't financially fucked, I would just take a cab.

April 14th
Hoot Judkins Furniture is a fabulous name, though not as fabulous as One Big Man & One Big Truck (a moving company).

April 15th
My shuttle driver's name is Melton. And he's white! Just kidding. With a name like Melton, he has to be black. Or a lord in a romance novel.

April 23rd
Overheard in SF:
It's not your baby, man - listen to what I'm saying to you!
--guy on phone, on bus

I don't know what kinds lie you made my mom feel comfortable with, because my mom really don't like you at all..."
--same guy, later in conversation

Wow. I would *love* to know what is going on here. I thought it was one kind of drama (you know, the Maury Povich kind), but there might be something even more sinister going on - somebody is obviously framing poor baby Fred!!!

Later that day:
Jangly, folk version of "let us break bread together on our knees" playing at coffee shop. Whaaa???

April 25th
Weird Fish is tasty, but fish and chips style fish is not really my thing. Go back for beans and plantains and green rice.

On the muni home, got attacked by foot funk. Ok,sir - maybe the funk wasn't your feet. All I know is, the bus smelled fine, then there was stinkage (not reekage, but not pleasantly fragranced either) and, when I looked around, you were taking your shoes off. So I think it was your feet, and I politely request that you not switch shoes in confined pubic spaces. Thank you.

And, as I often wonder while riding the Muni, why are there SO many crazy looking people in the world, and why are they always where I am? Especially if there's public transportation involved? And put your fucking arm down - this is not your goddamned couch, and you're encroaching on my space.

April 30th
Saw a guy today who looked like an old, Asian version of one of my roommates. Who is neither old nor asian.

parting shots
It's probably nonsense, but it got into the crazy in my head…
--LR, rising just a bit in my estimation

Namaste, ya'll [sic].
--Sign off on a health blog comment.

I just redid my budget for the umpteenth time, and was relieved to find that it will take me a tiny bit longer to run out of money than I had expected. Right after that, something in my mouth broke. Because chronic neck and head pain, impending unemployment and the resultant threat of complete and total bankruptcy, general uncertainty about my professional future, and the normal gamut of weight and romance issues didn't give me enough to worry about. Or pay for.

Awesome.

I saw this production of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" Thursday night. Short version?

It. Was. Fabulous.

Full review soon - for now, to sleep, perchance to dream of Theseus/Oberon.

The world should know that a life of dedication is possible, that a life inspired by love and service to humanity is possible.

One whose legs rush to offer help, whose lips utter comforting words of love and whose eyes shed tears of compassion on hearing the cry of the distressed, such a person I would call a true disciple.

--Amma

From amma.org:
For the past 35 years Amma has dedicated her life to the uplifting of suffering humanity through the simplest of gestures – an embrace. In this intimate manner Amma had blessed and consoled more than 25 million people throughout the world.

When someone asked Amma why she receives every person who comes to her in a loving embrace Amma replied, "If you ask the river,'why do you flow?' what can it say?"

Amma spends most of her waking hours receiving the distressed and all who come to her for comfort, day after day without a break.

Once a press reporter asked Amma how was it possible for her to embrace each and every one in the same loving way, even if they were diseased or unpleasant. Amma replied, "When a bee hovers over a garden of varied flowers, what it beholds is not the difference between the flowers but the honey within them. Similarly Amma sees the same Supreme Self in each and every one."

For all my misanthropy, I like to point out now and again that there really are some amazing people in this world. I may not believe what they believe, or have the capacity to see the world as they do, but I honor them.

Don't worry - evil elisamaza will be back soon.

More to come soon. For now, a little randomness.

You should read: The Rabbi's Cat 2 (read a review here). A friend gave me the first compilation, and it is fabulous! Read that one, and then the new one.

My fangirl personality found some new happy this morning: Dr. Merlin's Soapbox. I found Dr. Merlin via a friend's link to this essay about what we see when we watch the same show. I followed a link to this other article about the inherent dumbassedness of "fandom vendettas" (aka online asshattery). My favorite, so far, is "Celebrating Squee," but I can't figure out why.

And did I already tell you to listen to Tim's House, by Kate Walsh? Just checking.

Up next - a whole lotta crap.

So, I've already reviewed the movie. In case you missed it, the gist of it was "OHMYGODILOVEDTHISMOVIE!" Before the movie, my inner 15 yr old nearly peed her pants from all the excitement. Trailers for The Dark Knight, AND The Incredible Hulk, AND Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Holy crap! I'm going to get off my ass and handle that summer job situation just so I can see these movies. And Prince Caspian, which I also liked the trailer for. Shut up.

I will not be going to see Speed Racer, because I'd rather skip the seizure.

So, I loved the movie (twice), but there was one bad part of my first viewing. Some chick next to me ANSWERED HER PHONE AND STARTING HOLDING A GODDAMNED CONVERSATION during the movie! I had to ask her to hang up. WHAT?! I really wished right then that it was ok to slap people.

Having already expressed my opinion on the matter, I will share with you some Iron Man/RDJ love from over at Pajiba: It's Downey's Summer, M'Fers. I've maybe said this before, but I *heart* Dustin at Pajiba. I also *heart* the comments.

Zuffie says: I'm starting to wonder how Robert Downey, Jr. gets any work done at all. If I were him, I'd just get a massive print of the Rolling Stone cover from the movie made up and sit in front of it all day, remarking to anyone who would listen about how cool I was…

Elisamaza replies: And I'm wondering how I can get that massive print of the cover, so that I can sit in my office and stare at it. Sigh My inner 15 year old has taken over. She has renamed this movie The Awesome, and RDJ is The Hotness. I've tasked two of my friends with making sure she doesn't spend all of her allowance on a 3rd viewing, because enough is enough. And she's got to save up for Indiana Jones.

That silly elisamaza chick is totally not me. OK, it's totally me.

On a sort of related note, I've been listening to that Iron Man song (shut up) by Black Sabbath. WTF? So, there's the obvious "Iron Man has a psychotic break" issue. More importantly, unless your vengeance is some sort of banner or blanket (maybe a flag), you can't really unfurl it, can you?

parting shot
I finally saw iron man on Sunday morning, and it was so fantastic. I will probably see it again this weekend, and the minute the DVD comes out I am buying it and watching it every night as I fall asleep, possibly for six months straight.
--Sarina, also in the pajiba comments (Amen, Sarina. Amen.)